Episode 29: How to Finally Set Boundaries That Stick (Hint: It Starts With Your Feelings) - Entreé

→ Download the free packet of Emotions & Needs Lists

If you’ve ever told yourself, “I need better boundaries,” but still struggle to set or hold them—this episode reframes the entire conversation.

In this New Year’s Eve episode of Relish, Alyssia Sheikh explains why boundaries don’t actually start with scripts, firmness, or confrontation. They start with something much more foundational: your emotions and your needs.

Drawing from humanistic psychology, attachment research, and Nonviolent Communication (NVC), Alyssia introduces a simple but powerful domino effect:
emotions → needs → boundaries → holding the boundary.

You’ll learn why many people fail at boundaries not because they’re weak or people-pleasing—but because they were never taught how to identify what they feel or what they need. Alyssia shares a personal family example, explores why holding boundaries can be harder than setting them, and explains how unmet needs quietly fuel resentment, burnout, and self-abandonment.

This episode offers a grounded, compassionate framework for boundaries that protect your energy and your relationships—without turning you into someone you’re not.

✨ In this episode, you’ll learn:
• What boundaries actually are (and what they aren’t)
• Why boundaries exist to protect needs—not control others
• How emotions function as information about unmet needs
• Why emotional literacy is the foundation of healthy boundaries
• The difference between setting a boundary and holding one
• Why boundary pushback is normal—and how to stay grounded
• How boundaries increase freedom, safety, and authenticity

💭 Reflection:
Before asking “What boundary should I set?” try asking:
What am I feeling—and what need is asking to be honored?

Follow & Connect:

• Join the Newsletter
• IG: @alyssiasheikh
• TikTok: @alyssiasheikh
• YouTube: Alyssia Sheikh
• Email me: [email protected]
• Call our hotline and leave a voicemail! (213) 632-9972‬
• Book a Self-Trust Session with Alyssia

• The Hoffman Institute (Alyssia is a Hoffman Process teacher; podcast is not affiliated)

Relevant Episodes: 

• Feel to Know (Science of Emotions)
• Lost or Disconnected? (Quick Bite)

Relevant Links & Resources:

→ Download the free packet of Emotions & Needs Lists

• Nonviolent Communication (NVC)
  https://www.cnvc.org/
• Pitsikali, A., & Parnell, R. (2020). Fences of childhood: Challenging the meaning of playground boundaries in design.Frontiers of Architectural Research, 9(3), 656–669. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.foar.2020.03.001
  https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2095263520300194
• Cepukiene, V. (2021). Adults’ psychosocial functioning through the lens of Bowen theory: The role of interparental relationship quality, attachment to parents, differentiation of self, and satisfaction with couple relationship. Journal of Adult Development, 28, 50–63. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10804-020-09351-3
• Cepukiene, V. (2021). Adults’ psychosocial functioning through the lens of Bowen theory: The role of interparental relationship quality, attachment to parents, differentiation of self, and satisfaction with couple relationship. Journal of Adult Development, 28, 50–63. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10804-020-09351-3
• Zessin, U., Dickhäuser, O., & Garbade, S. (2015). The relationship between self-compassion and well-being: A meta-analysis. Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being, 7(3), 340–364. https://doi.org/10.1111/aphw.12051
• Zhang, X., Li, J., Xie, F., Chen, X., Xu, W., & Hudson, N. W. (2022). The relationship between adult attachment and mental health: A meta-analysis. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 123(5), 1089–1137. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspp0000437
• Aldao, A., Nolen-Hoeksema, S., & Schweizer, S. (2010). Emotion-regulation strategies across psychopathology: A meta-analytic review. Clinical Psychology Review, 30(2), 217–237. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20015584/
• ElBarazi, A. S., Mohamed, F., Mabrok, M., Adel, A., Abouelkheir, A., Ayman, R., Mustfa, M., Elmosallamy, M., Yasser, R., & Mohamed, F. (2024). Efficiency of assertiveness training on the stress, anxiety, and depression levels of college students (Randomized control trial). Journal of Education and Health Promotion, 13, 203. https://doi.org/10.4103/jehp.jehp_264_23