Episode 36: Shame (Part 2): Separation — Why Shame Feels Like Who You Are — Entrée

→ Try the Shame Processing & Reflection Visualization

If shame feels like who you are — not just something you feel — this episode is for you.

In Part 2 of the Relish Shame Series, Alyssia explores Separation: why shame becomes fused with identity and how mindfulness helps create space from shame’s story without denying or bypassing the pain underneath.

Building on Part 1’s exploration of how shame forms, this episode looks at what happens when shame moves from “I feel bad” to “I am bad.” Drawing from neuroscience, psychology, Buddhist-informed mindfulness, and Alyssia’s Embodied Spirituality Paradigm (ESP), this conversation reframes shame as a lens learned by protective parts — not the truth of who you are.

You’ll learn why affirmations often fail when shame is present, how ego and self-concept develop to create certainty and safety, and how mindfulness interrupts identity fusion by shifting from identification to awareness. Alyssia also offers practical, embodied ways to work with shame as an experience rather than a definition.

✨ In this episode, you’ll explore:

• Why shame feels personal and permanent
• How shame fuses with identity (“selfing”)
• Ego from psychological and spiritual perspectives
• Why affirmations don’t work on shame
• How mindfulness creates space without bypassing
• Somatic practices for separating from shame’s story

This episode prepares the ground for Part 3: Reclamation, where we explore what shame is often protecting — and the gifts beneath it.

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Relevant Episodes: 

• Shame (Part 1): Recognition — Why Feeling “Not Enough” Feels So True
• Shame (Part 3): Reclamation — The Gift Beneath What You Tried to Fix (coming soon!)

Relevant Links & Resources:

→ Try the Shame Processing & Reflection Visualization

Shame, Identity & the “Self-Model”

• Northoff et al. (2006) — Self-referential processing in our brain: A meta-analysis of imaging studies
  https://web.mit.edu/hst.583/www/Lab1_Gabrieli/Northoff_Neuroimage2006.pdf
  (Foundational paper on how the brain processes information related to “self.”)

Mindfulness & Narrative vs Experiential Self

• Farb et al. (2007) — Attending to the present: mindfulness meditation reveals distinct neural modes of self-reference
  https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2566754
  (Study showing mindfulness reduces narrative self-focus and increases present-moment awareness.)

Decentering (Separation Without Bypass)

Bernstein et al. (2015) — Decentering and Related Constructs: A Critical Review
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5103165/
(Overview of decentering as relating to thoughts/emotions as events, not identity.)