Episode 12: Tools, Not Rules | How to Stop Turning Growth into Pressure

It’s easy to start a meditation, journaling, or self-care practice with good intentions—only to feel trapped by your own routine.

In this short but powerful Relish Quick Bite, host Alyssia Sheikh explores one of her favorite guiding mantras: Tools, not rules. Drawing from her own journey with perfectionism, neurodivergence, and personal growth, she shares how the very practices meant to bring us peace can become another source of pressure if we cling to them rigidly.

✨ In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why we turn tools into rules (and how perfectionism sneaks in)
• How to recognize when a helpful routine has become a “should”
• What it means to use practices as anchors for presence, not control
• How to work with Fluid Mode—using what you need, when you need it
• The neuroscience of why habits stop working and how to respond flexibly

Key takeaway: The point of spiritual and personal growth tools isn’t to do them perfectly—it’s to live your life with more freedom and awareness.

💭 Reflection: Have you turned any of your tools into rules? What might change if you used them like a toolbox—choosing what’s helpful when it’s needed—and let the rest go?

Follow & Connect:

• Join the Newsletter
• IG: @alyssiasheikh
• TikTok: @alyssiasheikh
• YouTube: Alyssia Sheikh
• Email me: [email protected]
• Call our hotline and leave a voicemail! (213) 632-9972‬
• Book a Self-Trust Session with Alyssia
• The Hoffman Institute (Alyssia is a Hoffman Process teacher; podcast is not affiliated)

Links/Resources

• Duhigg, C. (2012). The Power of Habit (why the brain automates routines): https://charlesduhigg.com/the-power-of-habit 
• Smith, J. & Graybiel, A.M. (2016). Habit formation and the striatum (Trends in Neurosciences) ResearchGate
• Kabat-Zinn, J. (1994). Wherever You Go, There You Are (mindfulness as presence, not performance): https://www.amazon.com/Wherever-You-There-Are-Mindfulness/dp/1401307787
• Tang, Y.-Y., Hölzel, B.K., & Posner, M.I. (2015). The neuroscience of mindfulness meditation (Nature Reviews Neuroscience): https://www.nature.com/articles/nrn3916
• Research on “habit discontinuity” effect (why change resets awareness): Verplanken, B., & Roy, D. (2016). Empowering interventions through habit discontinuity. Frontiers in Psychology. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0272494415300487